gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
Randomize
