wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
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