I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
Randomize
