She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
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