dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
Maybe he injected his testicle?
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Randomize
