I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
Randomize
