if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
Your dad touched me again.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Randomize
