Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
I currently don't understand fingers.
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