he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
