see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
Randomize
