Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
