i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize
