I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
Randomize
