I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
Holy sore nipples Batman
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
I did not marry a roomba.
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