I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
