No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
