She's JV to your varsity
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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