i wish there were pregnant emoticons
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
