advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
