he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
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