Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
