At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
Randomize
