If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
Randomize
