Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
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