My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
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