so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
