and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
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