Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
Randomize
