i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
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