the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Randomize
