A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
me + whiskey = a bad person
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
Randomize
