I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
The police scanner is talking about you again....
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
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