Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
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