I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
Randomize
