so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
Randomize
