he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
the gays at disneyland are vicious
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
Randomize
