I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
