im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
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