wanna go halves on a baby?
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
Randomize
