i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
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