my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
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