I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
handjob tips. give me some.
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
Randomize
