Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
