hdsncx Gizmo asnqw toilet blanasdi
ok, stay where you are, be there soon
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize
