I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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