im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
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