I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize
