Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
