so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
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