DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
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