In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize
