apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
Randomize
