i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
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